Your Guide To Dating in the Netherlands as a Foreigner
Most foreigners know the Dutch dating scene through stereotypes. However, not every Dutchman will make you split the bill (go Dutch), and not all Dutch women are supermodels. So, as you prepare to venture out into the Dutch dating scene, take these stereotypes with a pinch of salt.
The most important thing to understand as a foreigner is that the Dutch prefer keeping things casual and letting the relationship progress naturally. This post looks at how best to navigate the Dutch dating scene as a foreigner.
Dutch Dating Culture: Explained
Customs
The Dutch are the most down-to-earth people when it comes to dating. They don’t fancy the fuzzy, romantic, and somewhat commercialized courtship phase as other countries do. So, don’t feel compelled to over compliment or constantly spend thousands to impress a date.
If you must buy a lady something, a bouquet of roses may be all you need as you get to know them. Of course, the Dutch are romantic, they just don’t show it off as most people in the west.
Stages
The Dutch are efficient people, which they carry over in their personal relationships too. As such, expect a Dutch to go straight to the point without wasting time. Even when it comes to getting intimate, there’s no fixed stage or timing – they rely on gut feeling and the atmosphere.
They also appreciate it if you’re straightforward with your feelings. If you’re not into a date in the middle of it, say so rather than leading them on and disappearing like nothing ever happened.
Similarly, unlike in places like the US and the UK, where typically, the man is expected to make the first move, in the Netherlands, women are encouraged to go for it if they like someone.
Etiquette
Don’t be surprised if your date turns up in casual wear when going on a date. The Dutch are as easy-going in their dressing as they are in their language. The Dutch rarely overdress, preferring to keep it simple, casual, and smart.
But perhaps the one rule you shouldn’t be surprised by on a date is paying for yourself. While not everyone will ask you to split the bill, don’t be surprised if they do – it’s just a culture that has stuck.
Similarly, the Dutch will treat you as an equal everywhere else as they do when paying the bill. In the Netherlands, paying your own bill is actually an admirable trait.
Online Dating in the Netherlands
According to the NL Times, nearly 50% of Dutch aged 18 to 34 have an online dating profile. The most recent data shows that by the first half of 2019, Tinder, Badoo, and Happn were the most popular online dating sites in Holland.
The three sites had 62%, 23%, and 18% of all Dutch online dating profiles, respectively. Below is a more in-depth look at the three apps.
Tinder
About 63% of all singles in the Netherlands use the dating app Tinder. While people are more cautious of Tinder and online dating in general, thanks to Netflix’s reality-based hit documentary, The Tinder Swindler, the app is the third most popular online dating site in the world.
Tinder, while popular, is ideal for casual hookups, also in the Netherlands. While it’s possible to find and kindle a serious relationship on Tinder, don’t take its users too seriously, as most are looking for a no strings attached relationship.
Signing up and creating a profile on Tinder is easy. There are no personality tests or extensive matching criteria to fill in. Instead, with a one-liner on your profile and a picture of yourself, you’re good to go.
The app uses geo-tagging to suggest suitable matches based on your profile and proximity to your match. When you like a suggested profile, all you have to do is swipe on the profile you like most to start a conversation.
If you come across a profile you like, swipe the profile’s image to the right. If you match, the profile owner is notified, and you can start a conversation. However, if you don’t like a profile the app suggests, you only have to swipe the profile photo to the left to reject it.
Tinder’s basic profile is free and a preference for most users. However, they have a paid subscription, which allows you to view the profiles of those who like your profile. The app is visual, so it’s best that you put your best picture as your profile avatar.
However, keep in mind that Tinder is best if you’re looking for exciting hookups rather than long-term relationships.
Badoo
Badoo has over 400 million users across the globe and is owned by the same company that owns Bumble, another popular dating app. In the Netherlands, about 23% use the Badoo app. The dating site is unique in that it supports live streaming, so users can live stream potential dates in real time.
Unlike Tinder, there’s no swiping with Badoo, so the number of potential dates you can access is limited. Another downside is that its features aren’t as robust compared to some competitors.
Still, Badoo shines when you have a specific type of date you prefer to connect with.
Happn
Happn is the third most popular dating platform for Dutch singles; about 18% of all singles in the Netherlands are active users. It’s probably the only app whose matching algorithm is much like how the Dutch connect. As mentioned, the Dutch go straight to the point, just like Happn.
Happn’s unique selling point is that it matches you with people you meet on the street. As a foreigner, this might not be your preferred style of meeting people, but there’s a reason Happn is more popular than other apps in Holland.
You may need some time to get over the feeling you may be stalking dates when you first start using Happn. However, once you get over that phase, you realize how much better the app is for Dutch dating.
Typically, the app will match you with people you’ve come across, in a cafe, on the street, or on the bus in the last hour, and who are within a 250-meter radius. When you don’t want to waste time or plan longer trips to meet a match, Happn is the best option.
However, like many other apps, Happn has its downsides, the most glaring of which is if you meet your date and don’t get along, there’s a high likelihood of bumping into them on the street or in a local cafe.
Similarly, the longer you use it, the more you start feeling like the stranger staring at you across the local coffee shop is someone you’ve liked on Happn. Overall, the app is good if you’re looking for potential dates in a hurry, but it may get overwhelming in time.
What are signs a Dutch man likes you?
The Dutch operate on different dating rules than other European and Western countries. So, don’t be surprised if Dutchmen behave much differently than you expect from your previous dating experience.
Below are signs that the Dutchman you’re seeing is into you.
1. He’ll text you – fast
Like in many dating situations, the first sign of interest is keeping in touch. Because the Dutch dating scene is more straightforward, Dutchmen don’t wait too long before showing interest.
If a Dutchman enjoyed your company, expect them to text you back later that evening or early the next morning. However, if it doesn’t happen immediately, give it some time.
The Dutch also value their careers, businesses, and relationships with friends or family, so don’t be surprised if they focus on that in the first few days or weeks of seeing you. As you get to know each other, they’ll dedicate more time to you.
Fortunately, a Dutchman doesn’t mind being texted by a lady, so don’t be afraid to make the first move. They might even like you better for being assertive.
2. He visits you as often as you visit him
If a Dutchman makes it a habit of visiting you often and inviting you to his place, it’s a sure sign that he likes you. On the flip side, if you’re always the one visiting him, he might not be that into you.
3. He finds time for you
The Dutch dating culture might be different from what you’ve experienced before, but some dating rules are universal, regardless of where you are in the world. While a man might be busy, he’ll find time for you if he likes you.
A promising sign he’s serious about the two of you is when he cancels his plans when you ask to meet him or invites you for impromptu coffee dates in the middle of the day. Random calls are also a good sign he likes you.
4. He introduces you to friends and family
The Dutch are excellent at compartmentalizing. This means they keep relationships separate depending on where these relationships are based.
For instance, family time is strictly between family members. Similarly, when friends are hanging out, you’ll rarely find a third party among them. The same is true when colleagues are hanging out.
When these walls fall, and you’re invited to the friend’s or family circle, it’s a clear sign that a Dutchman likes you. It might be for a day out or a special occasion like a birthday. Whichever it is, an introduction to his inner circles is a nod to your relationship.
5. He invites you out for drinks or dinner
Inviting you for coffee is one thing, but when it gets to a point where a Dutchman invites you out for drinks or dinner, it’s clear that things are progressing in the right direction. On the other hand, if you don’t get dinner or evening invitations, chances are he’s seeing other people or is unsure of you.
6. You argue once in a while
Contrary to popular belief, a little argument every now and then is a sign of a healthy relationship. It shows that you’re each your own person with independent thought beliefs. It also means that one of you is working on getting the other person on their side.
If the Dutchman you’re seeing keeps arguing with you and trying to change your opinion, there’s a high likelihood he’s into you. Dutchmen love an intellectual partner they can converse with on a high level – they’re not impressed by a pretty face alone.
